Danny, United States (he/they)

“I finally feel like a person, when before I struggled to do so. I can feel again when before I didn’t realize that I wasn’t."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I was 21 when I realized I was trans, but it took some time to figure out my gender after that. I was working a closing shift as a cashier in a department store, specifically the clothing section. Most people in that department LOVE clothes, and that sort of enthusiasm is a bit infectious, but I wasn’t interested in any of the women’s clothing that was surrounding me. Instead I found myself staring off at the men’s shoes, since it was the only men’s attire that was in my line of sight. Since it was the closing shift that also means that I didn’t have many customers with me, so it left me time to think about things. The realization that I wasn’t a woman hit me so hard that it left me in a daze for the next few closing shifts I had in the clothing department.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I started making changes right away. Not big ones, but just experimental changes to test the waters. I used what I had on-hand. Switched to sport bras to flatten my chest, got my hair cut to something shorter, wore as baggy of shirts as my work would allow. They weren’t really big changes, aside from my hair. But I was still closeted and very unsure of myself. I was later assigned to work at a gas station for the entirety of the winter. It was bittersweet, since the breaks were more inconsistent, but everything else about the experience was very gender affirming. I bundled up in so many layers that you wouldn’t be able to tell my body shape in sight, I wore a hat over my hair, wore a chain with keys, and borrowed vests (and name tags) without getting in trouble because I wasn’t officially part of the gas station crew (all of them were men). I left in the spring for a new job, got an even shorter haircut. It wasn’t until over a year later that I made any more changes, since that was when I was finally out to my whole family. I got a proper male haircut, experimented with names openly, and changed my wardrobe. A while after that I started T. Around a year after that I started using a binder.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

These changes were all for comfort. If something made me uncomfortable I would stop! But that took a lot of mental work to do, since I had to separate how the change made me feel and how my parents made me feel about the changes. I loved the changes, but a lot of the time my parents was horrified by the changes. To end on a positive note here: I finally feel like a person, when before I struggled to do so. I can feel again when before I didn’t realize that I wasn’t.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I wouldn’t tell myself anything. It took that long to figure out because I am a stubborn person that was in denial. I would have been terrified to turn out like this, but I really like who I am now.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

The thing that made my transitioning even remotely difficult was not having support from my parents. I was very confident in myself, but a lack of support is very difficult to handle. I found support in my sibling and my cousins who live far away from me. Without them I wouldn’t have made it. I thank them for being there for me when my own parents couldn’t accept me.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.