Ezra, United Kingdom & Sweden (he/they)

“It's ok to be transmasculine and not "fully" male."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

It's hard for me to put an exact age to it. I remember not getting the whole "this is for boys & this is for girls" thing growing up. For me male/female was just words for how your body looked. It wasn't until late teens I realised that wasn't the case, but I didn't think much about gender until around 24 and I found out about transgender and other LGBT+ identities. Then it was a step-by-step "oh!" and "aha!" moments. I got help from my support person too (I'm AuDHD), who turned out to be trans as well (which I didn't know then).

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I started by telling online friends to use them/them. My native language didn't have a good gender neutral pronoun then. So irl I continued to use she/her. I did talk to my therapist about it and we talked about transitioning, but nonbinary transmasc wasn't accepted to transition, you had to be binary gender.

I then moved to the UK to study and the journey here has been bumpy with me getting kicked out the queue due to "administrative error" and being denied referral due to my autism. Eventually, though, I got my referral and have been microdosing T for any a year and reached the results I wanted (mainly a slighter deeper voice & well probably stop taking it now) and I'm currently 3 weeks post-op from my top surgery.

I've also legally changed my name, which I did as soon as Sweden changed their name rules regarding gender and also made it more affordable.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Very much so. Especially the name change and top surgery. When I saw myself after they took the dressing off at 1 week post-op, I felt like I looked at me for the first time since before puberty and I'm now in my late 30's.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

It's okay to be different. It's ok to not know everything at once. Don't stress so much and force yourself, but also, try not to fear so much.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

I don't know if it needs to be said, but it's ok to be transmasculine and not "fully" male. I struggled with myself partly because I thought I had to choose man or woman, but you don't. I now consider myself a transmasc agender person and very few (and only online) have had an issue with that. It's ok to not fully fit a label.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.