Áikio, Sweden (he/him)

“Do not let others define who you are, define what being trans is TO YOU.“

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

When I was very young in grade school. I and others around me noticed amongst other things, my draw to male oriented interests and masculine clothes style. I cannot determine at which age exactly but I was just a kid. I always felt different somehow from other kids but it took until I was adult to identify WHY I felt this way. I hid being trans for over 20+ years from my family and my social circle because of fear of rejection which proved to be unfounded.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

As an adult I came to the realization I was transgender and bisexual. So I’m a very late bloomer. My clothes style has always been masculine - I liked boys clothes more than girls and hated dresses with a passion. As a teen and adult, I embraced my current metalhead style. Changes I made as an adult was coming out socially finally to my family and my workplace and friends. I also pack with a packer or with a STP and wear a compression shirt daily, wear guy clothes and use guy products.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

To an extent but it’s not enough for me to socially pass, I need to pass medically too. So I’m in que for testosterone and the whole shebang...including the evaluation to give me the diagnosis "transsexual" so I can start my physical transition...

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

You matter just as you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are loved. I would come out as a teen man rather than like as an adult had I done things differently today. Though, you never stop coming out, it is something you do everyday so it doesn´t end.

Do you have a favorite/funny transition moment?

When I was 10, I had recently seen Disney´s Mulan and of course I wanted to be like Mulan and a guy, cut my hair. Actually, cutting my hair is one of the most prevalent things in my transition as I aged. My mom was horrified when I cut my long hair really short in upper secondary school. A girl thought I was a guy and flirted with me, I thought it was hilarious.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

You´re not alone. You are valid and you matter. Don´t be afraid to embrace who you are, the world may be against you but stand tall in your truth no matter what. Do not let others define who you are, define what being trans is TO YOU. Surround yourself with supportive people. Join a transcafé, get therapy. Don´t be afraid to ask for help. If you wish to reach out to get advice or just talk with another transman, HMU at stephaniaarts@gmail.com.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.