Ephraim, United States (he/him)

"I'd tell my younger self he was right about his gender, and I'd tell him there is nothing he can do to earn his family's approval because it isn't actually about him."

What made you realize you were trans? How old were you?

I do not recall what age I was mobile and talking at, but fairly soon after full sentences were in my command I was declaring "I'm a boy".

When did you start making changes? What were these changes?

I came from a very controlling, isolating family, so changes were not something I was able to realistically contemplate in most of my life until after I was legally an adult and bringing in my own money.

However ... people assumed I was a man online. Felt like a liar because it was a much different time then, but I also felt more at home online than in person at that point. This started around 14. There are still spaces I'm in where not everyone knows I'm trans. It's like a vacation from being misgendered.

At 18, it was mostly clothes but also a lot of study about behaviors that read male vs. female. Deodorant was an early one because women's didn't cut it anyway. I still remember my first pair of men's boots - had them 7 years before my ex threw them out on me.

Got a job at the gym, started really hitting upper body work with that juicy free membership.

There was a thrift shop on my commute. Like many thrift shops, they sold ties. I told my father it was a punk trend and asked him how to tie one. Bemused, he said he never expected to be showing me that but did anyway.

A few years into working, I started sending out resumes with a masculine nickname version of my deadname that I had received in grade school. Started getting more callbacks, but the job opportunities would die after they heard my voice. (I get a much more positive reception on the phone these days.)

While I don't actually consider cutting my hair to be part of my -transition-, I absolutely consider it a measure I take toward -passing-. If I ever pass enough that I'm comfortable, I may well grow it out again.

After nearly dying of Covid, I couldn't stand the thought of being buried as a "woman". I went on hormones during a window where you could get them prescribed over the phone and never looked back. Even in my thirties, the purpose of hormones to me was strictly to "pass as male". I never expected to actually feel better - just maybe get a more "passable" voice and be more useful on the phone.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Yes. I didn't really shared selfies in the past outside of dating contexts, and I usually deleted pictures I was in. Same with my voice. Now, I'm closer to my friends than I was ever able to be before, and I'm quicker to speak.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I'd tell him he was right about his gender, and I'd tell him there is nothing he can do to earn his family's approval because it isn't actually about him. If I could see the future back then and knew where femming up was going to get me - I'd have started pursuing hormones at 18, too. Even with all the ignorance and discrimination I would have faced, the toll the wrong hormones were taking on my life was a cost like no other.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

—

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.