Godfrey, United States (he/they)

“I'm overjoyed that I get to live and experience and age as the man I always knew I was."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

Under 5 years old. I don't know that I "realized" it as it was never really a question for me. I never thought of myself as being a boy in a girl's body; I always knew I was a boy, asked for "boy" toys, dressed like the men I saw on TV, got mad at people for using the wrong pronouns for me before I even mentally registered that any of this was trans behavior. I was maybe 12 when my mother informed me that most women don't get happy when they're referred to as a man, and I did my own research on gender shortly after, where I became convinced I had to be intersex or AMAB and the doctors had simply done an incorrect surgery or mixed me up somehow. That wasn't the case, but it led to me finding the term "FTM transsexual", and it felt like I had won the lottery by discovering it.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I started going by different names by 11. Everyone online knew me as a boy already. I always opted for what made me most comfortable, societal expectations be damned. Mens clothes exclusively, hair chopped, any and all body hair unshaved, socks folded into a packer, chest bound with bandages or duct tape or whatever I had on hand, long before I knew it was dangerous. I was the "butch lesbian" of every group and the butt of every joke, but I was living my truth. I started testosterone over 4 years ago, and the change was immediate. I felt like my body was finally correct and functioning as it should, as was my mind, and I've never been more motivated to better myself and care for the body I used to hate.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Without a doubt. I was so depressed and hopeless in my situation, I don't think I had more than a few years left if I hadn't gotten on testosterone. Living that paralyzed and stagnant life was damaging me in ways I wouldn't understand until years later.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

Don't let people pigeonhole you. Never, ever let them tell you who or what you are. You can't force people to accept you and you shouldn't waste your energy on it; you will always find your people, or they'll find you. If I could do anything differently, I'd have stopped trying to dilute myself to make my mere existence more digestible for others.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

I'm excited to grow old now. I think about it all the time. I wouldn't have said that even as recently as 6 years ago, but I'm overjoyed that I get to live and experience and age as the man I always knew I was, and I hope you all get to experience that joy.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.