Lex, Norway (he/ey)

“You don't have to worry so much about what you specifically identify as, just try out the specific things you think could make you happy and figure out the terminology later."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I was 24 and figured I should learn more about trans experiences so I could write more diverse characters. I started reading some blogs about transition experiences and I kept feeling sad that I couldn't have procedures like top surgery since I "wasn't trans". I did know by then that I wasn't a woman because I was told that in fact cis women do tend to go around feeling like women without being reminded about it. However, I didn't really know for sure that I was trans until I finally accepted that there's not a specific "trans feeling", you're basically just the same amount of normal that you always were because being trans is also normal.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

Towards the end of 2014 I started changing my clothing and hair, bought some binders, and started changing the way I spoke, basically just trying things out without committing to transitioning yet. I was in rural Illinois at the time so I wasn't able to start HRT until a year later in Wisconsin, but didn't feel like I was in a hurry yet because I couldn't really imagine a future in order to look forward to it. Eventually I saved up enough to pay out of pocket for top surgery in Norway in 2021.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Absolutely! I look in the mirror and see myself, and it's just natural. Sure, I would maybe prefer to not be quite as hairy as I ended up being, but it is MY hair at least, and I like the way I look.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

You don't have to worry so much about what you specifically identify as, just try out the specific things you think could make you happy and figure out the terminology later. You're not signing a binding contract and you don't need permission from the community (or anyone really). And yeah it sucks if it means breaking up with a long-term partner, but life keeps going and ultimately you'll both be happier. Also, there's a whole subculture dedicated to appreciating hairy guys so don't be self-conscious.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

1. With remarkably few exceptions, almost any procedure or issue experienced by trans guys is also experienced by cis guys, and in greater numbers.
2. It is common for people to get a puffy face for a couple years after starting T, so don't take this as an indication of how your jawline will look later.
3. It isn't unethical to lie in an unethical system in order to get access to treatment.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.