Marco, Brazil (he/him)

“To my fellow trans brothers: don't give up! Things will get better, I promise!"

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I realized I was trans at 11. I've never really understood the concept of gender before age 10 and when it finally started to make sense in my head, I found out I was a girl all this time. I often thought of myself of a genderless being as I didn't really understand gender but I related to boys more so sometimes I'd thought of me as a boy – even though I didn't understand what being a boy meant. Shortly after, at 11, I found out an Youtuber who was a trans man. He made some videos about his experience being trans and this was how I found out this was a possibility. My mind blew up! I thought "that's it!". But I also thought that coming out, going through the whole process of transitioning would be too hard. So I shoved those feelings away and decided that I'd just live this life as a woman, even though I was unsatisfied, hoping that I'd be born as a man on my next life. I started obsessing over movies, TV shows, books, anything, because anytime my mind was empty my thoughts would go back to this and I wanted to avoid it at all costs. But I guess you can only run away for a while, right? In March 2021, after being alone with my thoughts for quite a while due to the pandemic it became unbearable to me. I'd thought it through for less than a month. I had already thought about it and denied it for way too long, I didn't need time. So in April 2021 I came out to my mom and friends, then started socially transitioning. My mom had some trouble accepting me at first because, according to her, I've never showed any signs and it was extremely abrupt – and I guess she was right since it was all in my head until then.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

As soon as I came out I chose my new name and cut my hair. I didn't have any problems with my hair before, but when I came out my dysphoria skyrocketed. Shortly after I bought my first binder. It was the most I could do at that time, since it was only the beginning of my journey. I waited for more 2 years until I got on T at 17 as a birthday gift. Then at 18 I got my name changed legally, another birthday gift. And one month ago I finally got my top surgery, something I've been dreaming about ever since I knew it was a possibility. Sometimes I fear that I'm rushing things and moving too fast, but I know that I couldn't stand living in that body for another second.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Yes! I was deeply depressed ever since I was a child. I wouldn't even step out of my house during a time in my life. Things only started to change after my social name started being used at school, at 16. Hearing my dead name everyday was like torture to me and I only started to feel happy and feel like myself after this.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I would like to tell my 15 year old deeply depressed and scared self that things get better. I'm living my life as a man and I've been feeling so, so happy about this. I don't think I'd do anything different, I like to think that everything happens for a reason.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

I think I said too much already! But I'd like to say to my fellow trans brothers: don't give up! Things will get better, I promise!

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.