Simon, Netherlands (he/him)

“Get on the waitlist NOW!"

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

There was no single moment. I kept realising it over and over again. A youth of wanting to be more like boys and fitting in very poorly with girls, and being convinced I was intersex for absolutely no reason. Around age fourteen I found out about what being trans was and I wanted it so, so badly, I spent a lot of my time 'catfishing' as a boy online. But I convinced myself that 'wanting' to be a trans guy and 'being' a trans guy was different, so I stayed closeted and almost forgot it for a couple more years. Age seventeen I decided that I needed to transition at some point in my life. Every single bike ride to school I thought about it, and how horrible my life would be if I wasn't going to do it.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I came out to my parents at eighteen. They didn't like it and I was too dysphoric to make a fuss. I went on the waiting list behind their backs but it would take around four years. I didn't want to come out and spent four years being visibly trans. Age twenty I couldn't take it anymore and went DIY with testosterone. I gradually came out to most people I knew.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Being out has been harsh on me, I feel very self conscious all of the time. But now that I'm a bit longer on testosterone, I'm passing to strangers more and I'm slowly getting used to that. I love it here.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

Get on the waitlist NOW!! I took as much time as I needed to come out, so while I wish I could've started T at fifteen, that probably wouldn't have worked on me. But I wish I could've just gotten it for free age eighteen. The waitlists kill. I also would've told him specifically which people would be supportive so I could come out to them first. And slowly ease him into how his parents would react.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

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Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.