Tori Lane, United States (they/them)

“I’m Black and Proud."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I was 28 & started going to therapy during the beginning of the COVID lockdown (summer 2020). Therapy helped me start to actually think about the thoughts I was having. One of those thoughts was how uncomfortable I was when marking myself as ‘Female’ on forms that asked such questions, and how I experienced relief when I saw options like ‘They/Them’ listed as a choice. This lead me to do research about people who chose they/them as an option and I began reading their stories and seeing examples. I learned new vocabulary, non-binary & trans masculine, and these words totally reshaped my life’s perspective and I was able to find identity in them.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

Presentation wise, I dressed masculine (post high school) but I have very feminine features, so it came across as androgynous. I’ve always been a ‘Tomboy’ type of person, never fully identifying with girl, always feeling more ‘boy’, but fully knew I wasn’t a ‘Man’ either. I also identified as Queer before my revelation.

I would say about 6mos into going to therapy, I began to implement NB and transmasc changes into my life.

Honestly, my partner at the time was very encouraging. She advocated for my newfound self identity and suggested we used those preferred pronouns with each other, to see how it felt…and I liked it, a lot! Around that same time, in private, I would apply fake facial hair to see how I would with it on; drag king type vibes. I liked it too, but it lacked a sense of authenticity for me. My partner encouraged me to take a serious look into HRT and was by my side when I made the decision to begin that journey.
I took my first shot in Feb 2021.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

I absolutely feel a lot more comfortable with myself and in my body. I enjoy seeing and experiencing the changes that have happened to me since I’ve began HRT.

& It was NOT an easy decision by any means. In fact, it was scarier for me to come out as Non-binary to my loved ones than it was to come out as LGBTQ+.

I was caught up in being worried about what others might think or say or the confusion/lack of understanding they may have about who I am.

But once I was able to acknowledge the positive differences I felt in my own skin since learning this Truth about myself, I decided to choose me over what society may have to say or feel about it, with my Middle fingers raised high!

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I do wish that I knew there were more ways I could identify my gender with other than man/woman much sooner, but don’t think I would do anything differently.

I would tell younger me to love myself no matter what. That the boy I felt on the inside IS there and people just like me exist in this world, and we’re very special & unique & beautiful.

I would tell younger me that by choosing myself, I will be able to encourage and inspire people, who I’d least expect, to be themselves, unapologetically.

& I would tell my younger self to keep exploring my heart and my desires because I’ll end up finding someone inside of there that I love to be.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

I think it’s important to note that I am a POC; I’m Black and Proud.

I also think it is very important to note, especially for younger folx, that undergoing HRT or physical changes IS NOT a requirement or prerequisite to being trans or nonbinary or to any of it!

While I’m not the most proud of this, I do admit that a motivating factor for me undergoing HRT was sociological pressures. I wanted to have a sense of control over not being seen as or called ma’am/she/her. I felt that getting facial hair and a deeper voice and acquiring more masculine features would influence me to be seen as ‘not woman’ in people’s mind, or at least as ‘other’.

But the hard truth is, people are going to call and treat me however and whatever they want to, no matter what I personally do.
It all boils down to respect.

You are who you are.
I am who I am.
And once you acknowledge that within yourself, F what anybody has to say.
I do things because I want to experience it in my life, not because of what someone else wants to place on my life.
& I have been happier ever since.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.