Carter, United States (he/him)

“I don't identify as "trans" and I never will. I see this as a medical condition that's been corrected with hormones, surgery, and some document changes."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I knew I was a boy from my earliest memories, but I didn't understand why I wasn't allowed to be one. At most, I could be a "tomboy" but that wasn't a fit. I didn't get why I couldn't get over my feelings and no one else seemed to have this same gender dysphoria that I did. I learned the term "gender identity disorder" when I was 12 after my sister took a college psychology course and told me about it because she believed that it fit me. I did research on the term and that's when I learned there were people in the world who identified as "trans" and underwent a "transition" through taking hormones, making legal document changes, and surgery. I didn't even know at that age that a person could change their name legally. I also didn't understand hormones. It was groundbreaking stuff for me as a kid.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

Immediately. I cut my hair first probably within a week of finding this information out. It had been short for most of my life but I had grown it out due to my mother's desire for me to put away my "desire" to be a boy. Once I cut my hair I was automatically seen as a guy in public; I got comments like 'sir' and 'young man' by strangers. By age 13 I had changed my name legally and I wore a binder all the time. By age 14 I found a doctor who would prescribe me testosterone. I started high school in a different city and had a pretty normal male adolescence and young adulthood from then to the present.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Of course. By age 12 I was having excruciating anxiety to be perceived as female. I didn't go out in public or hang out with friends, and I was increasingly depressed. Once I could make some immediate changes that helped tremendously. I could then use the right bathroom in public, for example, and I was treated as a boy. Being able to go through high school as a guy also gave me as normal of a teen boy experience as I could get. Going on testosterone was the biggest help for me; I was in the realm of starting puberty at the right age alongside my male peers. Considering just how depressed I was before I made these changes, I just don't think I would have made it otherwise.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I would have started much earlier had I known that I could. I dislike how ignorant I was about options for myself. Maybe my entire schooling experience would have been in the right gender. I also could have gone on hormone blockers, which would have saved me the hassle of doing top surgery later on as well as saved me from the horrific experience of menstruation.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

I don't identify as "trans" and I never will. I see this as a medical condition that's been corrected with hormones, surgery, and some document changes. In my mind, it's no different from being born without a limb and/or being born with extra body parts. It just so happens that this particular biological hiccup has such a tremendous influence in life because of how much gender influences our interactions with and perceptions of others (to clarify, I wouldn't change this because I very much want to be interacted with and perceived on the basis of being male). For me personally, I really dislike the terms "trans" and "transitioning" and anything related to the idea that I've made some kind of change (like "female-to-male") because it implies I was something different. It also implies that I'm some kind of third-gender or gender-adjacent. I was born male and I always will be. I don't want to be known as a "trans" man, just a man. Millions of people are born with medical maladies; I just wish this didn't come with permanent identity attributes.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.