Thomas, United States (he/him)

“If transitioning your gender helps you feel more like yourself, then that's what you should do.“

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I was in my late 20s when I first thought that I might be trans. It took me by surprise, but also made my past experiences and questions about myself make sense in a way they never had before.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I changed my name and pronouns publicly and began dressing more masculine when I was around 26. I began taking testosterone when I was 27. I had top surgery at 29 and began to experience "passing" for the first time soon after.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Undeniably. I had never felt comfortable existing or had positive feelings about my body until after I began taking testosterone. Top surgery was a massive game-changer. I used to look in the mirror and feel this strange sense of disconnection, like I didn't really know the person looking back at me. These days, I just feel like myself.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

When I was young, I presented as hyper-feminine and was generally anxious about performing womanhood the way society expected. Rather than question my gender identity or make positive changes, I spent many years trying to "do womanhood correctly" and pushing down my discomfort. In some ways, I think my journey towards understanding myself as a transgender man was one that I needed to take, and I wouldn't change a thing. But sometimes I wish I could go back to my younger self and encourage that person to be more genuine and not waste energy performing my own life for others' benefit.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

There is no one right way to be transgender. If transitioning your gender helps you feel more like yourself, then that's what you should do. I had to learn to let go of the idea that I should have been more of a tomboy as a young child, or that "real" trans people know that they are trans early in life and that I must be somehow faking it or appropriating my gender identity from some other group. None of those things are true. Gender is complex, we all have different life experiences, and there are so many possible paths which could lead a person to transition. I'm simply glad that I came around to the idea and found my true self before it was too late.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.