Corin, Australia (he/they)

“Decouple "transition" from "transgender". Being trans is who you are. If, and how you transition does not make you less trans, or not trans.“

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

Growing up, I always saw myself as a boy. Of course, this was before I knew about gender diversity. I only knew about the gender binary. I wasn't a girl (and being a girl felt so foreign to me), so therefore I must be a boy. Then puberty hit, my body began changing and I thought that I just had to accept that I was a girl. I tried - although I wasn't very good at being a woman, and many people weren't shy about letting me know. It always felt like an ill-fitting costume.

I had a brief inkling I might be trans when I met a trans man online in my 20s. Prior to him, I thought "trans" meant "trans woman", so his existence was a revelation to me. The thought of being something other than "woman" was both exciting...but also frightening, and I ended up running away from this idea for another few years.

The moment of my big realisation happened shortly after leaving a toxic relationship. I was in my mid-30s. I vowed to never enter another relationship like that again, and decided to do some heavy introspection to work out just what happened. I began exploring queer communities and came across non-binary, trans masc folks, and finally found the words to describe my experience of gender.

The most difficult part of the process was working out where on the gender spectrum/rainbow/chaos I sat. I came to the conclusion that I was genderqueer, in that my gender is not linear but instead fluctuates in intensity. My gender is unruly and messy. Some days I feel very masc, other days I feel almost genderless. I've learnt to embrace that as part of who I am.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

My changes were, and still are, slow and low-key. This is also informed by my culture, which is not queer-friendly. As a person of colour, it often feels like I'm walking a tightrope between maintaining my connections to culture (and family), while also trying to live authentically as a queer person. This has meant a lot of compromises - for instance, I've never "come out" in the way a lot of Western narratives portray (I.e. making announcements on social media, writing letters to family). I am selective in where I'm open. Some people still only know me as a queer, cisgender woman. Some people know me as nonbinary. Some people know me as a genderqueer trans man. I accept these compromises because maintaining my culture and family ties are very important to me. It would hurt me more if I were to lose these connections.

In safer spaces, I started using they/them pronouns and shaved my hair. Eventually I modified my pronouns to they/he to reflect both my genderqueerness and my masculinity.

After some deep consideration, I started low-dose testosterone in 2022. I gave myself permission to come off testosterone at any point, if I started becoming discomforted by the changes. Instead, I have largely enjoyed my time on testosterone (once I got over the bloating and weight gain) and I see myself taking it indefinitely.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

I've enjoyed having androgyny as a base physical template, then adjusting the masculinity to taste. I feel like my body is reflecting my inner genderqueerness now and giving me the flexibility to be me. I've also found testosterone to be strangely calming.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I would love to tell my younger self that it is okay not fitting into rigid societal roles and breaking societal expectations, and that there are ways to be authentically yourself while also maintaining your culture.

Looking back, I don't know if I could've done anything differently. The 90s and 2000s were a very different time to now. I'm very grateful things have changed.

Do you have a favorite/funny transition moment?

I'm constantly reminded of how arbitrary gender expression can be - for instance, I can wear the same outfit but different shoes, and be gendered differently!

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Decouple "transition" from "transgender". Being trans is who you are. If, and how you transition does not make you less trans, or not trans.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.