Ed, United Kingdom (he/him)

“I grew up to be so much more than the world told me was even possible for people like me."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I never thought I was a girl. As a kid we played ‘boys chase the girls’ and I chased after the boys. When I was old enough to pick my own clothes, I chose boys clothes. But I was just being like and I didn’t understand what gender was. I didn’t really know trans people existed.

At about 14, I realised I liked girls so I found my way into online queer spaces. As soon as I knew top surgery existed I knew I wanted it. Figuring out my gender took a bit longer but it was clear I was queer.

At first I identified as genderqueer. I didn’t feel a strong sense of gender but I wasn’t my gender assigned at birth.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

How people gendered me didn’t bother me much. So I continued to go about my life feel comfortable enough that I could present how I want and knew how I felt. A lot of my friends knew about me being trans. There was no point to me in pursuing healthcare as all I would get was talking, no interventions were offered to under 18s at this point. I did start saving up for surgery and thought I would need to go abroad because I wasn’t keen on anyone operating in the UK at the time.

And then I turned 18. Suddenly I had options! I was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. One night I was out clubbing with friends and got gendered as a woman repeatedly by strangers, as I usually did. But this time it hit different. I cried as I walked home.

I realise now I had been repressing my need to physically transition because it wasn’t an option. Now it was and these feelings were coming pouring out.

I got seen by a gender clinic about a year later. It was a battle. They weren’t used to seeing people as young as me, they doubted me. I had to argue hard to get on testosterone and I don’t think it would have happened anywhere near as quickly without my parents being supportive. I had to have my mum sit with me to do the consent to start it, despite being legally an adult and having not lived with my parents for a year.

A little while later I had top surgery. Thankfully by this point there was a surgeon in the UK I was happy with.

I slowly started living as male around the time I started T. Most of my uni friends were queer and already knew. I came out to my family who were all completely supportive. I changed jobs so I could just be known as a guy from the start.

Because I’ve never had a strong sense of gender I have always kind of gone with what’s easier. I had dysphoria about my body but never my gender per se. So I’m fine now with living as a man but being a man doesn’t feel like an important part of me.

It wasn’t always easy. I once was assaulted at work by a service user who wanted to find out ‘what it is’. I struggled to get my uni to update my name on everything. I got different flavours of abuse in the street at times when I looked more visibly queer in different ways. My top surgery results aren’t ideal and I’ve had to pursue revisions with a different surgeon many years later. I still from time to time deal with stupid healthcare problems linked to being trans. I’ve had to work to accept things about my body that will never change.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

I have a life now I could never have imagined. I had no tolerance models growing up. Nobody told me I could thrive, be successful, be happy.

My body is capable of physical strength I never knew was possible. I’ve competed in strength sports. I’m a black belt in a martial art. I learned to swim after years of not being able to deal with a pool.

I’m successful in my career. I’m not rich but I do a job that matters and live comfortably. I’m able to volunteer with groups that let me support and be visible to younger trans people and be that role model I never had.

I have a partner who loves me and is such a strong ally. We’re having a baby and I can’t wait to be a dad. It feels like one of the few experiences of being a man where I won’t have missed the start.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I wouldn’t change the path to where I am today. It has been hard at times. But I’m so strong because of it. I live my life with bravery and conviction. I’m not perfect but I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved. I grew up to be so much more than the world told me was even possible for people like me.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

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Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.