Eli, United States (he/him)

"I would tell my younger self to stop living for other people and to live for myself."

What made you realize you were trans? How old were you?

After school one day, I was reading an article in the Washington Post. It offhand mentioned the artist in the article was a transsexual woman. I didn't know what that meant and looked it up. This was about 2013. Most of the search results were about MTF women. I wondered if it was possible to go the other way FTM. I wished I was a boy so badly. I ended up reading so much online about FTM men. I was 14.

When did you start making changes? What were these changes?

I got my hair cut short when I was 15 nearly 16. I wanted to do it at 14, but I chickened out. I slowly started only wearing men's clothing. I started going by a men's name to my friends. Then at 18, I chickened out on the whole "being trans" thing. I thought no man or woman would ever like me back sexuality. I went though a very hard hyper feminine phase until I was about 22. Still having my hair short, but dressing more feminine. I'm 25 now and the past 3 years I've been working on accepting myself. I haven't gone on hormones yet, but I want to.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

I definitely feel most comfortable when I'm dressing as a man. I wish I had been better at initially accepting myself.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I would tell myself to stop living for other people and to live for myself. If I could go back I would've come out to more people sooner. I wouldn't have done the hyper feminity phase during college.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

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Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.