Jayson, Ireland (he/him)

“[My grandmother] believed that my transition was part of God's plan for me. That I would not be presented with a chance at joy and be told not to take it.“

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I was 13 when I realised I was trans. I had felt a constantly, low level discomfort my whole life - like the princess and the pea, or a tiny rock in your shoe, always. I didn't understand why day to day life seemed to take such a toll on me. I assumed everyone felt the way I did, and at the same time, that I must be the only one who couldn't cope.

I was on a teen forum when I saw a post in the "gay and lesbian" section from someone who described himself as a "trans boy". He was 14, so my own age. He talked about getting a chest binder, and about planning to go on testosterone. Everything just clicked. Instantly, it felt like seeing my own reflection for the first time. I had never known there was anyone like me, and suddenly, there was a world of possibilities.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I started to try making changes before I came out. I was 14, and went to a sports store to buy compression shorts, and tried to make a DIY binder from a guide I saw online. I was so excited - and then it didn't work. And that left me feeling worse than I'd ever felt. That was the moment I knew I couldn't stay in the closet.

After I came out, I steadily made transition progress. I changed my name legally at 15, started testosterone on my 16th birthday, changed my gender marker before I turned 17. I had top surgery at 18 before I went to college.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

The world came into colour as I transitioned. Every day I feel more at home. It is such an honour to be able to so actively participate in becoming who I am and shaping the man I am today. I look like the man I imagined myself as in my mind's eye back when I was in the closet.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

Everything comes with time. Testosterone takes time. Healing takes time. Becoming takes time. I have created a version of maleness and masculinity that I am so proud of and that resonates so deeply within me. I don't think I would fundamentally change things, but I would encourage my younger self to be more unapologetically myself. There are times and places where patience and grace are important - but there are also times to say that yes, this is who you are, and what of it? There are times where you should not back down. If people see you as "only" trans and nothing else, that is their shortcoming, not mine. I am a whole, vibrant person who is also trans, and that is part of my vibrance.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

My grandmother was deeply religious, and unfortunately she died recently at time of writing. We were extremely close. Reminiscing about her, I think of how she approached my trans identity. She told me that she believed that my transition was part of God's plan for me. That I would not be presented with a chance at joy and be told not to take it. She believed in loving and caring first and foremost. I hope other trans folks with Christian backgrounds can take some comfort in her words.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.