Jesse, United States (he/they/it)

“Recognize the world doesn't know you've went through transition, and it doesn't matter how strangers identify you. Eventually people will start recognizing the man you are on their own."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I'd always been a queer tomboy, but it wasn't until I was about 42 that I began to identify as more than a dabbling ally with the community. I had no idea that transitioning was in the horizon. I had feels about the gender construct being imaginary, including transgender. But last fall, I spent a month experiencing a gender epiphany. It's akin to if my brain were a building with a committee running things—the building was levelled and the committee left. Along with the cacophony of noise that was AlWAYS in my head. Most notably—the endless soundtrack of Christmas music and nursery rhymes that plagued me for YEARS. It all feel silent, and I was able to think. And talk it out with my partner, who had quietly kept to themselves their suspicion a transition had been in the works for years. I was in denial. Maybe gender fluid? Like trans, lowercase. Not Trans! But over the month, I slowly recognized I'd been living this feminine persona to cover trauma from teenage years. That persona had shed. Inside was the person I'm meant to be, without all the trauma response. And he had 30 years of lost time to make up for.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I shortened my name to the masculine form, donated my wardrobe, began binding and decided that was enough change. I don't care what boy-girl words people use to refer to me. Anybody who mattered moving forward just naturally started treating me and referring to me differently almost immediately. I LOVED the changes, and I started hormones and voice training within six weeks. I got top surgery within the year.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

I LOVE MOVING THROUGH THE WORLD AS A MAN. I LOVE HOW AUTHENTIC AND ALIVE I FEEL, SIMPLY EXISTING. I used to live as a woman who was over-the-top and always doing too much. Now I'm just a chill little trans dude who is enough.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I would tell 16 year old me to turn my back on southeast America and go live my best queer life on the West Coast.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Create the support you're going to need. It will make all the difference in your life moving forward. Recognize the world doesn't know you've went through transition, and it doesn't matter how strangers identify you. Eventually people will start recognizing the man you are on their own.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.