Joe, United States (he/they)

“I decided to perform as a drag king for a while and “try it on”. (…) Now I identify as a transman."

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

When I was 5-6 I told my mom that I wasn’t going to grow up to look like her. This was true even though they said I was a girl. Instead, I was going to look like my dad. I didn’t get the best reaction and suppressed it. During puberty I realized that those feelings were still there. The term “transgender” wasn’t as common then so I didn’t have that specific label.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

When I was 20 I moved to a place where there was a support group for transgender men and those questioning. I walked in there and I just knew I was like them. I decided to perform as a drag king for a while and “try it on”. Then I came to terms that I was “transsexual”. That was the term some used for people who wanted to physically transition. I went from there. Social transition, then hormones and surgery. Now I identify as a transman.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Yes, very much so. I deal with something called Persistent Depressive Disorder. You feel a low grade mood most days and it’s hard to feel “happy.” The day I had top surgery I was almost euphoric. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

You stayed true to yourself even when you had to pretend you were a girl. You did everything you could to survive while being you.

I would have tried to cultivate more self love.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Age has shown me that in life things are often “two steps forward, one step back”. It seems like the world is bleak for us sometimes. However, we’ve come a long way from where we were when I was younger. Positive change has happened and will continue to happen.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.