Verbatim, United States (he/him)
“I'd tell my younger self to (…) spend less time giving a shit what anybody thinks."
Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?
I realized I was trans when I was 14. Since I come from an mixed household, I was raised to think I was born a girl and that's how it had to stay because that's just how it was. Even though I related more to guys, and I always felt really out of place with girls. In freshman year, I started identifying as a demigirl because I didn't want my parents to find out I was feeling these things, and I thought she/they would be easier to explain then what I was actually feeling. After I finally realized it didn't fit, I kept exploring different gender identities and names because I wanted something to fit so bad. I was scared of actually expressing how I felt. I found my chosen name and it felt like "Yes! a win".
When I finally came out to my mom, she thought it was a phase but tried to support me. After a while, she told me she thought I was genderfluid, and if she saw that then she had to be right because she was my mom. So I embraced the label full throttle and started using he/she pronouns. I would always wear really funky outfits and embraced my femininity a lot more. But I internally cringed every time I heard girl or she or Miss. Something was still wrong, and I tried to combat my feelings by hiding under feminine clothes and pushing down how I felt. The funniest thing was my friends, on their own, started using he a lot more than she around me. And It felt good. it felt really good. My good friend had asked "What pronouns are you using right now?" and I remember hesitating and saying "uh....he/she". And immediately she said "Oh so just he and ignore the she?". And it was like something clicked. I knew from then on that I was transmasc. And now I'm 17 and the happiest I've been in awhile.
How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?
I changed my name back in 2022 after my favorite song by my favorite band. I dyed my hair many times, but always found red felt the most gender. I also did a big hair chop in 2023, then an even bigger chop (diy this time) at the start of 2025. Its like a jellyfish cut and a shag mullet had a curly rockstar baby and I love it so much. I also recently started voice training for the first time! which I was hesitant about but I really do love how I sound, and Im planning on hopefully getting a binder later this year (probably during the summer). I also am currently thinking really heavily about if I want bottom surgery.
Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?
Absolutely. My hair was a big part of my dysphoria over the course of my life so far, and now that I'm at an age where I am allowed complete control over it, it has made me feel so incredibly comforted, and like who I am is finally on the outside as well. Another big part of my dysphoria is my vagina, which I've kinda come to grips with a lot and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do. My voice is another one, and it’s something I started working on again recently because my friend encouraged me to give voice training another shot.
What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?
I think I'd tell my younger self that there's nothing wrong with going down "The transmasc rabbit hole". It’s not something scary, or wrong, and if you feel the way you feel, you are entirely allowed to feel those feelings. And there's no rules or criteria to pass to be yourself. I also think I’d spend less time giving a shit what anybody thinks.
Is there anything else you'd like to share?
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Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?
Yes.